Archive | June 2015

Caves of Nerja

Well, looks like it’s time for another sightseeing / travel post.

I promised my son I would take him to the Caves of Nerja for his birthday. His birthday was at the end of last year, so you can see I’m not very current with posts haha!

If you live around here or have ever come for a visit, you are probably familiar with the Caves of Nerja and you have probably dropped by to discover them. They are very well known and most tourists do try to make an effort to stop by and visit them.

The Caves of Nerja were formed millions of years ago during prehistoric times by rainwater filtering through the porous rock and slowly gouging out cavities and openings underground. They were almost continuously inhabited by cavemen, who left several paintings depicting everyday life in their times. These cave paintings aren’t open to the public, in order to preserve them.

Even though they are so famous today, no one knew about these caves in modern times until they were discovered in 1959.

Now, it’s very common for caves to be discovered while public works are taking place excavating tunnels for highways, parking lots or other things that are habitually built underground. But that wasn’t how the Caves of Nerja were discovered.

A group of five boys from the nearby village of Maro liked to wander around in the fields and go bat hunting. They were aware that there were some holes where literally hundreds and thousands of bats would fly out from at dusk, and they liked to go chasing these bats.

One day, they thought they would explore more deeply into the holes where these bats flew out from. They tried to drop down into one of these holes, and soon found out that it wasn’t exactly just a tiny little rabbit warren haha!

It was, in fact, an enormous, immense, gigantic cavern. When they dropped down into the cavern, they discovered skeletons lying around.

They were very excited and were soon sharing their findings with friends, neighbours and teachers. Word spread, and it wasn’t long before scientists and experts started swinging around to check out this new finding.

Very soon they realized the immensity and significance of this discovery. Archaeological research began on this site, and the following year the caves were opened to the public.

The five lucky lads who discovered the caves weren’t forgotten. They are immortalized in a statue that you can see in the town of Nerja.

The Caves themselves are divided into three galleries, only one of which is open to tourists. The two deeper galleries, the Upper Gallery and the New Gallery, can only be visited in special, pre-arranged tours.

A series of pathways cuts through several halls and leads you in the end to the main showcase of the Caves: the Hall of the Cataclysm.

This is the famous hall where you can see the super gigantic column in the centre. This is the largest naturally-occurring cave column in the world. It reaches from the top of the hall into depths so profound that you can’t really see the bottom of it all. The column is 32 metres high and occupies a space of 3000 m3.

We went in the afternoon so we could see the guided tour, but I’m not too sure it is really worth the bother of having to jostle with all the crowds. If we ever go back again we will probably go in the morning, when you don’t have to go in a group and you can wander about freely.

We got assigned to a tour guide who pretty much didn’t say a word to us, other than telling us which direction to go in the labyrinthine trails which appear to wander about in all directions. Fortunately, we hung behind, and we were able to catch other tour guides who were a little less laconic.

I’m not too sure about how much information you can garner from the explanations of the tour guides, all the same. We listened to one explain how the Hall of the Cataclysm was formed:

“This hall is known as the Hall of the Cataclysm. The reason it received this name is because during the time this cave was formed, there were lots and lots of major cataclysms on earth. Severe earthquakes, which really shook up the earth a lot and made a lot of the blocks inside this cave fall down all over the place into haphazard shapes, which is what you can see now.”

You can see from this natural cave design where the Moors got their inspiration for their incredible artwork and architecture that you can admire in places like the Alhambra of Granada.

The pamphlet that they give you when you enter into the Caves provides you with the same explanation, in slightly clearer language:

“At the bottom of the cavern you can observe piles of enormous stone blocks. These are stalactites and stalagmites piled one atop the other without any logical order. This chaos resulted from a colossal earthquake which took place 800,000 years ago.”

There is a vast space which is usually filled with seats, where concerts and dance shows take place during the summer. These concerts take advantage of the incredible and formidable natural acoustics in this area. You can hear these acoustics if you scream in the hall (when no one is around, of course): you will hear your voice echo all around you. The sound is just amazing.

Of course, if you go with a super-responsible, old-before-his-time child with adult behaviour, he will say something like, “Mami, stop screaming! You shouldn’t scream in public places!”

Outside the Caves, you can wander around and enjoy the Hispano-Arab garden, which is a small pool of water covered with beautiful tiles. There are also playgrounds and cool paths with benches to stroll about or to sit and rest.

There is a cafeteria-restaurant where they serve drinks at a most reasonable price, where you can freshen up before the long ride home or grab a bite to eat.

All in all, this is a really great site for a day trip. You can just come to enjoy the caves, or you can combine it with a trip to the town of Nerja. We have been to Nerja a few times and if I ever feel up to it, I might zip up another blog post dedicated just to the town of Nerja.

The Caves of Nerja are open from 10 am. to 1 pm. in the mornings for unsupervised visits. At 1 o’clock the first guided tour begins. After that the Caves close for lunch, and re-open at 4 in the afternoon. From 4 to 5:30 there are guided tours every half hour.

There is a special schedule during the summer months, so if you are planning a visit in the summer, check their new opening hours for that period.

They also offer special visits (with different prices) which must be reserved beforehand. These visits can be reserved through internet.

The visit costs the same regardless of whether you go alone or with a guide. The price of the ticket is 9 euros for adults and 5 euros for children up to 12 years old. Children under 6 can enter for free. (As of 2015.)

I do like the Caves of Nerja, and I consider it a must to visit them if you are in Malaga on holiday. However, I feel that in matters of cave exploration, the best kept secret in the region is definitely the Treasure Cave.

Check up my blog post on the Treasure Cave here.

I personally prefer the Treasure Cave over the Caves of Nerja for a number of reasons:

the Treasure Cave has a greater variety of shapes, caverns and hallways
there are rock formations with more interesting shapes in the Treasure Cave
the Treasure Cave has a lot of historical significance, and it was used as a centre for cult and deity worship during prehistoric times
you get to see the cavern dedicated to the worship of the prehistoric deity Noctiluca, really quite incredible
there are never a lot of tourists jostling around in the Treasure Cave, so you can have a relaxed, leisurely tour at any time of the year
it’s a “wet” cave, so you can see basins filled with water and you can even dip your fingers into the water and rub it on your face (the water is naturally clean and clear, it’s rainwater that has filtered in through the porous rocks). I would be careful which basins you dip your fingers into, though, since some of these basins were used for animal sacrifice!
there are three underground lakes, beautiful and spectacular! You won’t find that at the Caves of Nerja
the entrance fare is cheaper than at the Caves of Nerja, and if your kids are members of “La Banda” they get to go in for free
there is an archaeological park at the Treasure Cave that you can visit for free, and it gives you archaeological and scientific information. You can also see reproductions of some prehistoric cave paintings in this park. Children will probably be bored there, however. I speak from experience!

I saved these two photos for last because they seemed rather special. I thought that both these photos looked sort of like the book cover for some Lord of The Rings-like novel. Of course they are not as good quality as a real, true, bona-fide professional book cover, they’re grainy. But I thought they still rather looked like something out of The Lord of The Rings.

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Spanish Beaches

Jun14

Since it seemed the appropriate time of the year for this, I started a collection of beach photos that I’d made throughout the years. But then I got bored. So these are the photos that I managed to finish editing before I got bored.

Pretty much all of these photos are from around here (Malaga). I really wasn’t much into photography before I came to Malaga, so I have very few (if any) photos of beaches from any other places.

This beach is in La Línea de la Concepción right up against Gibraltar. It’s a very beautiful beach, as are all beaches in Cádiz, with fine white sands and warm Caribbean blue water, mmmhh. Wish the beaches here in Malaga were like that haha!

You can see that hazy blue floaty mass of land across the way. It’s Africa! Yes you can really see Africa from this beach. It looks so close. It looks like you could almost swim across. But the very narrow strait that separates Spain from Africa is deceptively treacherous and full of dangerous undercurrents.

Torremolinos.

This was a winter’s day in Chipiona. We went there with an organised group mainly so we could see the sights. Well we did get to see the sights, but most of the group spent most of the time going to visit – Rocío Jurado landmarks! Like her tomb at the local cemetery, her home or a huge statue of her. Rocío Jurado was a very popular, now deceased flamenco singer.

This is in Torremolinos again. Somehow I actually managed to grab these beaches empty! Maybe it was off-season hehe?

And again. But many years ago.

(I think he was crying or about to cry!) (This is the same little guy who is now making pizzas!)

My kids in Maro near Nerja. Check out the people bathing in November!

Although not quite a beach, I couldn’t help including these darkly dramatic winter pics.

A view from a classic viewpoint of the Port of Malaga.

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Proper Hair Oiling For Long, Drop-Dead Gorgeous Locks

Jun12

The women of Kerala, in southern India, are renowned the world over for their long, thick, shiny locks. I think in general most people know, or consider, East Indian women as having the most beautiful hair in the world.

Genetics? Maybe. It’s certainly true that nature does seem to have endowed them with naturally long, thick, abundant hair.

But I think a great part of their secret is what they choose to DO to make the most of and ENHANCE what nature had already given them.

And among all their haircare routines, HAIR OILING is what most stands out.

If you don’t believe me, let me show you a photo of what MY hair looks like since I started a practice of REGULAR HAIR OILING:

I certainly don’t have Indian hair. And I do agree, I also don’t have kinky locks that curl inwards very tightly, so I realize that at least to a certain extent, genetics do play a part in the kind of hair you have.

But regardless of what type of hair nature decided to give you, I feel that EVERYONE can achieve the most beautiful locks and make the most of whatever you DO have naturally, with hair oiling.

Hair Oiling Basics

So, this is how I oil my hair.

I do it twice a week. You can do it just once a week, or more often if you like. The women of Kerala oil their hair absolutely every single day. They even walk around with their hair sleek with oil the whole day long, and go out on the streets with oiled hair. It’s a normal practice in their society, and if you go out with oiled hair no one is going to come up to you and say, Ew, what greasy hair you have!

Of course here in the West you can’t go out on the streets with oiled hair, or people will come up to you and say, Ew, what greasy hair you have!

But you can most certainly walk around your home with oiled hair.

Benefits of Hair Oiling

Oiling your hair will make your hair MUCH STRONGER and more resistant to breakage, keeping it from becoming fragile.
Oiling your hair will prevent split ends.
It will make your hair MUCH softer and shinier and bouncier.
It will protect your hair from damaging elements and the heat of hair styling.
It will encourage hair growth and prevent baldness.
It will help your hair grow long, since it won’t break off or fall off as much, and because you won’t have to trim it as much since you won’t have so many split ends.
It can repair your hair if you’ve already damaged it (and most people have damaged hair, what with chemical hair dyes, hair dryers, flat irons and hot curlers and the like……).
Although I don’t know if it’s true, the women of Kerala claim that oiling your hair regularly will also prevent white hair.

As I said, I do hair oiling twice a week. I always use either pure coconut oil or pure olive oil. I’ve also prepared a mixture of castor oil with olive oil which I use for the roots, as it’s supposed to encourage hair growth and prevent hair from falling.

I dunno but I do seem to find a LOT less hair shedding since I started this routine.

Steps For Oiling Your Hair

I always follow the same steps. It works, at least for me.

I begin with dry hair. I apply hair to the roots first, from the middle of the part downwards on both sides. I simply dip my fingers into the oil and rub them in the hair. I do this until all the roots are covered, and then I give myself a relaxing, soothing massage.

Next, I divide the hair into two on each side. I cover both palms with oil and stroke (or rather, pour, as I’m a bit wild haha) the oil all the way down the hair to the tips.

I do this several times until all the hair is saturated with oil.

After that, I dip just the tips of my fingers into the oil and finger comb the hair to get rid of all the tangles. I have coarse, curly hair that naturally just LOVES to tangle, so I usually have tangled hair. And I have found that this step makes a HUGE difference in the way the hair looks afterwards!

One final stroke of oil all the way through from crown to tip, and it’s done!

Your hair should look somewhat like this when it’s finished:

After this, you can put your hair in a shower cap or wrap it up in a towel if you like. I find that very uncomfortable, and prefer to put my hair up in a plait. You can make one or two plaits.

Most people get satisfactory results keeping the oil on just one hour. I always keep it a minimum of two hours and longer if possible. That simply gives the oil more time to penetrate into the core of the hair shafts, which is where it works its magic.

The deeper the oil penetrates into the hair shaft, the more it is working in there, strengthening the hair and moisturizing it.

When you wash the hair later on, the oil will be stripped from the outside of the hair shaft. But if you’ve left it on long enough, there will still be oil INSIDE the hair shaft, where it will continue moisturizing your hair and providing it with flexibility and strength. Hence that glorious soft sensation after you’ve been oiling your hair.

Some people like to sleep with oil in their hair overnight and wash it out in the morning in the shower. I like to take a shower at night, so I put the oil on in the evening and keep it on until it’s time to take a shower.

If you’re going to sleep with oil in your hair, you can just cover your pillows with towels.

Washing It Out

When I get into the shower, I wash the oil out with shampoo and condition as usual, or use a hair masque.

I find one washing more than enough for the length, but I do need a second washing for the roots, which are oilier.

I used to use normal shampoo but I’ve switched to natural soap (either solid or liquid) and bar shampoo, because I want to be as natural as possible, and avoid toxic chemical detergents.

I do need conditioner or a masque at the end. Firstly, as mentioned earlier, washing the hair removes the oil on the outside of the shaft, so you still need something to smooth down the hair cuticles and make the hair soft, manageable and easy to comb. And that is what conditioner does.

The second reason is because, with the Medusa locks that I was naturally gifted with, that were programmed to tangle right from the start, the only way I can possibly get a comb through my hair is with gobs and gobs of conditioner on top!

If you have thick, coarse, curly hair like me, the best type of comb to use is a wide-toothed one. I never use a fine-toothed comb or a brush. A brush would just pull out all the natural ringlets.

But you should choose your comb or brush according to the type of hair you have and what works best for you. Straight hair seems to do very well with a vigorous brushing every day.

Dry, Dry, Dry My Hair

I always air dry my hair and shy away from dryers or irons. I really don’t understand people’s obsession with ironing away their gorgeous natural curls. Curly hair is, in my opinion, much more exciting than straight hair. And it’s also rarer, throughout the world, since the majority of people have straight hair. Which makes your curls more special, I say.

It’s true that perhaps in some countries, like Spain, curly hair is the norm. So if you live in Spain and you have curly hair, it might make you feel like your hair is ordinary and everyday and run-of-the-mill.

But really, if you look at people throughout the world, most people have straight hair and it is really straight hair that is more everyday and run-of-the-mill.

Sometimes, people with curls complain that their curls are frizzy, so they need to iron the frizz away.

Well, personally, I don’t feel like you have to grab the hair-damaging iron to get rid of the frizz. If you start oiling your hair, it should naturally become less frizzy just simply as a result of the hair oiling.

Then, if you still have frizz, there are products out there to get rid of frizz. And you don’t need to call upon the iron, which burns your precious locks.

In India hair oiling is a real pleasurable experience. People don’t have to oil their own hair there. In India people live with their extended families, so in most households there are many women. All the women get together to oil each other’s hair. So it is a very pleasurable activity. Women chat as they oil each other’s hair. Or the woman who is getting her hair oiled can do whatever she wants, watch TV, read a book, whatever, as long as she sits still, and other women oil her hair. Then she oils other women’s hair.

It’s also customary for all the women to gather together and sit down together and oil each other’s hair while they chit-chat. It’s like a quilting party, but instead of making quilts they oil each other’s hair.

Of all the things you can do to preserve the health of your hair, I feel that hair oiling is the king and the queen and reigns supreme on the list of good things you can do to your hair. If you try it and keep up a regular practice, I’m SURE you will soon notice the difference.

So, how about you? Have you tried oiling your hair? What results did you find? Please don’t hesitate to leave me a comment. I LURRRVE (positive, non-spammy) comments from readers!

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Anti-Vaccinations: Dying To Be Natural

Jun8

(This is the same post I put up earlier, yesterday. But I made a few changes, and I changed the title, so now it goes up as a new post. But if you’ve already read yesterday’s post, you don’t need to read this one since it’s almost the same.)

I wanted to put up another travel post this week, but I felt like this subject was more pressing. After all, the sights and monuments will still be there a week from now haha!

Lately there’s been a lot of controversy in Spain about vaccinations, due to an outbreak of diphtheria in a child whose parents had decided not to vaccinate him.

Many people believe that vaccines are dangerous or have lots of terrible side effects, like autism, because they think there are toxins in vaccinations such as mercury.

Well, if you DON’T get your child vaccinated, then what are the chances that he will catch a terrible, potentially fatal infectious disease like diphtheria, measles or polio? Compare that to his chances of getting autism from a vaccination.

The Children’s Cemetery, English Cemetery, Malaga, filled with the tombs of children killed by infectious diseases in the 1800’s.

Which do you think is higher? His probabilities of becoming seriously ill from an infectious disease that is highly contagious but easily preventable by vaccines, or his probabilities of “picking up” autism from a vaccine?

To top it off, it’s now been shown that the link between vaccines and autism was, in addition, nothing but a hoax and a lie. (You can read more about this news here: Autism and Childhood Vaccinations.)

Vaccine-Related Autism Was a Hoax

So in addition to NOT protecting their children from dangerous illnesses, turns out parents who oppose vaccinations have even NOT been saving their children from autism, either. Their children were never in danger of “picking up” autism from a vaccine shot, because vaccines don’t cause autism to begin with.

And as one person I know put it: “I’d rather have a child with autism who’s alive, than a dead child who died from an easily preventable infectious illness.”

Long-term Effects of Serious Infectious Illnesses

Here is what can happen if your child gets ill from diphtheria:

(Quoted from the Mayo Clinic, link to original website here.)

Left untreated, diphtheria can lead to:

Breathing problems. Diphtheria-causing bacteria may produce a toxin. This toxin damages tissue in the immediate area of infection — usually, the nose and throat.
Heart damage. The diphtheria toxin may spread through your bloodstream and damage other tissues in your body, such as your heart muscle.
Nerve damage. The toxin can also cause nerve damage. If C. diphtheria toxin damages the nerves that help control muscles used in breathing, these muscles may become paralyzed. Respiration may then become impossible without a respirator or another device to assist with breathing.

Diphtheria is fatal in as many as 3 percent of those who get the disease.

This is what happens if you get measles, another infectious illness that is covered by current immunization campaigns:

(Once again, thank you for the information, Mayo Clinic, original link here.)

Complications of measles may include:

Ear infection. One of the most common complications of measles is a bacterial ear infection.
Bronchitis, laryngitis or croup. Measles may lead to inflammation of your voice box (larynx) or inflammation of the inner walls that line the main air passageways of your lungs (bronchial tubes).
Pneumonia. Pneumonia is a common complication of measles. People with compromised immune systems can develop an especially dangerous variety of pneumonia that is sometimes fatal.
Encephalitis. About 1 in 1,000 people with measles develops encephalitis, an inflammation of the brain that may cause vomiting, convulsions, and, rarely, coma or even death. Encephalitis can closely follow measles, or it can occur months later.
Pregnancy problems. If you’re pregnant, you need to take special care to avoid measles because the disease can cause pregnancy loss, preterm labor or low birth weight.
Low platelet count (thrombocytopenia). Measles may lead to a decrease in platelets — the type of blood cells that are essential for blood clotting.

And how about polio, another infectious illness that is easily preventable by following the regular vaccination schedule for children. As a side note, I had a teacher at school when I was a schoolgirl, she was quite young to be so ill, only 35. She suffered from chronic health problems as a result of contracting polio as a child, before vaccinations existed.

(As usual, thanks to the Mayo Clinic for the info, original article here.)

Paralytic polio can lead to temporary or permanent muscle paralysis, disability, and deformities of the hips, ankles and feet. As a result, children who survive polio may spend their lives with severe disabilities.

Well I could continue onwards, since there are a number of diseases that can be easily prevented in children by a simple vaccine shot, included in the vaccination schedule and available for free to all children, at least here in Spain and probably in most developed countries.

Infant Mortality From Infectious Diseases Before and After Vaccination Campaigns

As a parent who obviously loves your child, do you really want to go through the anguish of seeing your child seriously ill, on the brink of death, perhaps not even surviving, because YOU refused to provide him with something so easy to obtain as a simple vaccine shot?

Think about how many people, especially children, died or suffered from lifelong disabilities, as a result of contracting any of these easily preventable infectious diseases before vaccinations existed.

As an example, in the US in 1921, 15,520 children died from diptheria.

On the contrary, in the US last year, ZERO (yes read it, 0) children died from diphtheria, thanks to routine vaccination of all children.

People Who Oppose Vaccinations

Some people who oppose vaccination said to me once, “Why do I need to vaccinate my children? They’re at school and they’re perfectly healthy. Besides which, all their classmates are vaccinated, so their classmates can’t get the disease and pass it on to my kids.”

Yeah that’s right, another word for this is called riding on someone else’s coat-tails! So, you want other parents to run the “risk” of vaccinating their children so your children won’t get sick? Is that it?

Come on, gimme a break. How selfish can you get?

That’s like living in a shared home where you do no housework and never clean up after yourself, and expect the rest of your housemates to be your slaves and clean up after you!

And as for your kids being perfectly healthy today, well, that’s just the way it is with illnesses. Today your kids are bouncing with energy and life and just won’t get out of your hair, and by night-time they’re flat on their backs with a fever of 40º Celsius (that’s round 105 for those using the old-fashioned Fahrenheit thermometers).

Just be thankful for your blessings that your kids are happy and healthy right now. I know I am, every minute of every day.

But at least I know my kids won’t be dead from meningitis by nightfall. Meningitis can kill literally within hours from the time the first symptoms appear.

But I don’t have to worry about that. Because my kids are vaccinated.

Are yours?

My Hippie Friends’ Point of View About Vaccinations

Once upon a time I was a hippie (maybe there’ll be more about this particular theme one day……). Most of the hippie crowd I hung around with believed in living the “natural life”.

They didn’t hold jobs, preferring to make a few bucks (well, euros) by pawning off stuff at handicraft fairs or selling their old rags on the street. Some were squatters, since they didn’t want to enrich the pocketbooks of people they perceived as avaricious, Scrooge-like, power-hungry landlords.

Some were beggars, or spent their time spaced out on booze, hash and cocaine.

Most of them advised me not to vaccinate my baby. Because it’s “not natural”, they told me. Or because my baby could pick up autism from the vaccinations, or have an allergic reaction. Because breast milk naturally protects babies, they said.

Well, getting a vaccination is “not natural”, but illnesses ARE natural and which do you prefer? A NATURAL illness, or “artificial” protection from that illness?

And by now we have debunked the autism myth. As for the allergies, well, you’ve got as much chance of developing an allergy to vaccinations as you have of developing an allergy to anything else in the world. And you’re not going to avoid strawberries, eggs, milk, wheat, nuts, flowers and trees (pollen, you know) and cats and dogs, just because you MIGHT one day develop an allergy to all these, are you?

And yes maybe breast milk does provide some protection from infectious diseases (always supposing, of course, that the mother was vaccinated herself……). But are you going to feed your baby breast milk for the next eighteen years, until your baby grows out of the high risk age for contracting infectious illnesses?

All the same, since I was into the same hippie crap as all my friends in those days, I did consider not vaccinating my beloved son. One conversation with a good acquaintance changed all that.

Dead Babies in Africa

He travelled regularly to Africa. He told me about all the little babies that he saw dead or dying every day in these countries from polio, meningitis, diphtheria, measles.

None of these children had to die. A simple vaccine shot could have saved them all.

If you asked any of these parents if they would have preferred their child to suffer from an allergic reaction to a meningitis vaccine – easily survivable, since it is easy to counteract an allergic reaction – or what did happen, that is, their child dying from this illness, what do you think they would say?

So yes please do forgive me if I sort of tend to see “opposing vaccination” as a rather arrogant, ignorant, holier-than-thou, anti-society First World problem. I don’t think one single parent in Africa who had seen their child die from meningitis, or become permanently disabled from polio, would think twice about running as fast as their legs can carry them to the nearest vaccination station (if they’re lucky enough to even have one in their country) and vaccinating all their remaining children.

Finally, since they say a pic is worth a thousand words, a few months back we had the opportunity to visit Malaga’s English Cemetery and take photos. This cemetery was founded in the 1830’s and I was especially moved by the oh so many tombstones belonging to little children who had died in the 19^th century.

Children used to fall like flies in those days. As a mother, you knew that most, if not all, of your babies would never see their fifth birthday. And measles, meningitis, polio, diphtheria and whooping cough were the main reasons for this.

These one-year-old twin babies died within days of each other from one of the above mentioned infectious illnesses. The same goes for all the little inhabitants of the graves surrounding them. And the ones that fill up the Children’s Cemetery of Malaga’s English Cemetery.

Is that what you want?

If not, the solution is simple.

Vaccinate your children.

And let them bury YOU one day, rather than you being the one to bury THEM.

As usual, positive, non-spammy comments are ALWAYS welcome! I LURRVE to receive them!

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Rant About Sexism

Jun3

I’m in a mood for ranting, I’m afraid, because as the mother of a teenage son, sometimes we quite naturally don’t see eye to eye on some things.

My son has an aunt who has live-in domestic help. So her kids don’t have to do any work around the house. My son, of course, notices that. And as is only natural, he can’t help but compare that to his own situation, where he does have to do chores around the house.

And then he gets whiny and complains and he thinks that’s not fair.

I personally am against parents not making their kids do things around the house or not making them learn to be responsible for things. I personally think that having a maid makes kids arrogant (or it can, if the parents don’t teach proper respect to their kids). And of course if parents don’t make kids learn to be responsible, they’re not all of a sudden going to become responsible of their own accord when they leave home.

In fact, I think it’s a major problem in general here in Spain, especially with boys. And I’m not saying this because I have a bone to chew with Spain or the way things are done here, nor do I mean that everyone I know is like this. These are only my own personal observations, based on people that I know here, and my own personal experiences.

I understand that there might be other people here who don’t agree with me, or who have observed different things than me. Because perhaps they move in different circles, or because of variations in the way things are done in other parts of the country.

Here in Spain because people had a hard time during the war and during Franco’s dictatorship, they want to spare their kids all the hardships and as a result, I see many parents acting too lax (compared to what I am used to) and spoiling their kids. A lot of Spanish kids never have to do any chores around the house. In Canada most kids that I knew growing up had chores.

Spanish girls still realize, when they reach a certain age, that they have to learn to do some household tasks or they will not be able to get on when they grow up, like cooking and cleaning and things like that. But most Spanish boys think that when they grow up they will get their wives to do all the household chores. So they never bother learning how to do any household chores and they don’t see the need to learn to do them.

Many Spanish kids are super irresponsible and their parents don’t know what to do with them. It’s even a major problem here, parents who feel dominated by and sometimes even scared of their own children. My best friend has a teenage son who can’t even pack his own schoolbag. His father has to pack his schoolbag for him.

Personally, I believe in making kids responsible and making them do housework. But the machismo (sexism) here is just incredible and sometimes I find it just so disgusting and intolerable.

For example, in the some circles I know they are always saying things like, a REAL woman is the perfect mother, a REAL woman runs a perfect household and has a perfectly clean and tidy house. A REAL woman is a sex bomb in bed and always leaves her husband with a grin on his face. A REAL woman works hard (unlike her husband and sons who shouldn’t have to do anything).

I just really really really don’t understand sexist attitudes in women. Then afterwards women complain that they don’t get equal and fair treatment. If they’re the first to jump up and force other women to succumb to sexist attitudes to begin with!

I find that in places where the culture is very sexist, often it’s the WOMEN who defend the sexism most fiercely. And I really don’t understand why. Don’t women WANT to have equal rights? Why do women here WANT to be forced to spend all their time cleaning and cooking? Don’t they WANT to do something else?

But apparently they DON’T want to do anything else. They don’t see anything else worth doing in life.

I know lots of women here who when they are at home, they never sit still. They are always dusting or tidying their living-rooms. When you ask them why don’t they sit down and relax and watch some TV they will tell you they can’t, that it makes them feel bad to see dust on the table or some object not perfectly aligned.

Oftentimes these women will even have husbands who are not that sexist, and their husbands will say something like, oh but you’re the most amazing housewife ever, no one keeps a more immaculate house than you but you work so hard, you’ve already worked too much, why don’t you come and sit beside me on the sofa and we’ll watch a TV show together?

And the woman will reply, I can’t, there’s still so much work to be done, the shelf is dusty and I haven’t vacuumed the closet today.

Of course my son doesn’t want to be responsible and he doesn’t want to do housework. That is normal, no one likes to work. And kids want to get away with as much as they can. So he doesn’t understand why it isn’t good for him to do no chores or why it isn’t good for him to not be responsible for anything.

I saw a movie about a Spanish woman who married an Afghan man who had been here studying in Spain. They decided to go to Afghanistan to visit his family.

When they got there, the Taliban invaded the country and forbade Afghan citizens from leaving. So they couldn’t return to Spain. The woman could, of course, but her husband couldn’t. And she refused to leave him.

They were staying with the husband’s family in a rural area. The house didn’t have a bathroom, the bathroom was a corner of the back yard. And then the woman became pregnant and she wanted to visit the doctor, but the Taliban forbade women from going to see the doctor and she had to visit the local midwife.

She wanted to see a doctor, she couldn’t imagine having a baby without receiving proper medical care. And then this is what happened.

All the women in her husband’s family started to scorn her and say things like, what is wrong with Western women? You are all so weak and useless. A REAL woman can have a baby all by herself. A REAL woman is strong enough to have a baby all by herself. A REAL woman doesn’t need a doctor because she can take care of herself.

Doctors are for men because men are weak and can’t take care of themselves. All men are little boys at heart and that is why they need a doctor, but a REAL woman is strong and doesn’t need a doctor.

Now, I don’t want you to think that I think that only supposedly “backwards” cultures, like Latin cultures or Afghanistan, are sexist. Right in Canada there are a ton of “machistic” attitudes. I have a friend there who was married to this horrid sounding guy. All he ever did was drink beer, throw all the beer cans on the floor, lie around on the sofa and expect my friend (who is female) to clean the house. Fortunately she is not with him anymore.

So guys, if you’re reading this and you’re a guy and you’re one of those (hopefully more and more rare all the time) who think that by acting “macho” you will get your gal, you can think again. You might get A gal – probably one of those women I referred to earlier who can’t relax and watch a TV show with their husband. (Or do anything with their husbands, for that matter, because the only thing they know how to do, or have any interest in doing, is clean their house!)

So, what do you think? Do you live in a sexist culture? Do your kids do housework? I’d love to receive your (positive, non-spammy) comments!

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